you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
