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Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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