burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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