nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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