got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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