Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
