can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
