my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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