this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
