As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
