I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is my gift to your gina
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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