I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
