I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
