you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
