I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
