You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
