saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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