You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize