I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
