Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
