There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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