Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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