i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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