i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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