I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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