just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's the barista slut.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
