and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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