Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
