I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
