Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
