i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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