walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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