im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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