the day after is always just damage control
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
