This girl is more easily done than said...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
