She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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