How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
