i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
