dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
