mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
