OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
