What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
