Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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