I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize