I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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