I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
