My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
