what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
