I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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