Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
