i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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