Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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