my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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