so that wasnt chicken after all
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
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I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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