..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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