You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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