it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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