atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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