Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
