Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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