One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize