Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
