he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
