yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
