There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i'm inner monologue high
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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