Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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