she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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