All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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