dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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