wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
