just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
