Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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