what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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