dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I want is dick and wine.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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