so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
