how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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