Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
